Cultural norms tend to emphasize the supposedly positive side of hookups — “casual sex is cool,” they say. In a hookup culture, we grow up thinking that it’s cute to have casual sex and that sex on the first date is OK. We’re taught to be free and unconcerned and moralistic absolutists about our sexual freedom. We know for a fact that most relationships that start off casual turn into monogamous bonds. That’s what happens, right? The message is, you should go out, have some hot, meaningless sex, and it’s all gonna work out for the best, right?
Well, what it all really says is that casual sex is a silly way to do relationships, and that the real hookup/relationship choice is between people who are genuinely interested in the whole relationship thing. I mean, how fun would it be to be in a committed relationship with someone who you don’t even care about at this point? It just sounds like a lot of work.
It’s true that casual sex still has a stigma attached to it, especially in North America. But that’s also to misunderstand where that stigma comes from. We don’t feel there’s anything wrong with hookups; the problem is that we think there’s something wrong with casual sex. We’re just putting sex in boxes with negatives and positives and treating it as something one can or cannot have.
Casual sex doesn’t have to be negative. There are a million positive reasons to have a casual hookup. That’s right — a million. Here are a few:
It feels great.
With casual sex, it’s easy to brush off your inner monogamous nagging since you don’t have a connection with this person. It’s easy to jump right into the “hookup mode,” and many people do. Why? Because it feels good. It’s easy to have sex without committing to anything, and it makes us feel free.
It has no strings attached.
You’re with someone for now, and that’s why you’re doing something you don’t need to worry about. That’s not to say you can’t find the relationship someone you do want with this person. And you shouldn’t (unless you’re into the types of people who are into this sort of thing and that sort of thing, in which case, feel free to try). It means you’re willing to just have an evening of fun or for a little while.
Why does it have to
No, in fact, it isn’t. Nevertheless, it’s important to know where casual sex falls on the spectrum of things that could lead to consequences for health and well-being. That being said, if someone you barely know starts to bring you down mentally, emotionally, or physically, this doesn’t really count as casual sex.
Having sex with someone you don’t care about is different from casual sex because you’re implying that the person matters to you, since you’re going to take the time to really think about him/her and if it’s good or not for you. This, in theory, means that you’re sacrificing your needs to that of the other person’s.
There are no set rules here. Casual sex is essentially a new definition that doesn’t necessarily apply to sexual relationships that are affectionate or committed. It’s best not to judge whether or not someone’s casual sex is “okay” until you get to know them a little better. And remember that “okay” could mean anything from “everyone’s having a great time” to “this is awful.”
Another option to casual sex is “swinging,” which is basically a gathering of people of the same sex who are interested in hooking up. The site is considered by many to be the first swinging site and they also have thousands of ‘discreet marriage’ members across the US. While it can be considered ‘unofficial,’ swinging allows for playful and flirty fun between consenting adults.
Best of all, there are no strings attached! If you’re interested in finding someone to experience swinging with, Swingers.com is your go-to community. You can create a profile to share exactly what you’re looking for, and to find others who are right for you.
Can casual sex increase the risk of HIV?
While casual sex is generally considered to be safer than other sexual options, there’s always the risk of contracting STDs and sexual health risks. Sex with someone you don’t love, trust, and have intimate relationships with can be very scary and daunting, and it’s likely that you’re not emotionally prepared to handle it.
If you are, go for it, but be prepared to spot diseases. The best way to do this is through safe sex. This means using a condom every time you hook up. Also, be careful about dirty sex. Condoms aren’t completely safe, but they are the best way to protect against STDs and some cancers. A fun way to spot whether or not you and